I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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