I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
