All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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