I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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