P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
