i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
