I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
