Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
