Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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