I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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