so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
