New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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