so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
