We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
babies were throwing up all over the place
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
