Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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