rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
