fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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