First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That accounts for only three of the penises
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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