He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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