eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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