I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
