you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
