I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
