seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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