I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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