operation have a gay friend backfired
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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