Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
