I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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