That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
