Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
