i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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