What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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