WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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