I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this boner is exhausting
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
