Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
