her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
