there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
