It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i now understand why vodka
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
