Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
