the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
