Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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