She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
