I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Mom said you looked used
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
