did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
