just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
