His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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