why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
