you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
