we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
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I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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