yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
