You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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