dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
