Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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