Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
