It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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