The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize