i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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