There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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