I wanna passion pit in your ass
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
