In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
