I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
