my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
